So I didn't get anything done yesterday that I wanted to. I did bring the kids out and set up the baby pool. Ayla wanted nothing to do with it and clung to me the whole time. Hopefully she will do better when we are on vacation because I'd really like to bring her in the pool there.

Things that I WILL get done today

-clean the bathroom
-grocery shopping
-workout - at least 45 minutes

I've really been trying to work out as much as possible. I was doing good with getting a couple miles of walking in but now that school is out I can't since T is really not into walking around a track for an hour. Camp starts Monday though so I should be able to get back into it. I HATE seeing pictures of myself at my current weight. I really want to be down to at least 125. I'll be happy with that ... so 20 lbs to lose!

I also desperately need to organize and toss some of T's stuff. His room is out of control and even when it's picked up it still looks messy. I want to get him this bunk bed or something similar.


Hopefully after vacation we will have some extra money.

So it's been forever since I have written in here and I think that its about time I start again. I'm at a point where I can't tell if things in my life are going good or not, as weird as that sounds. I feel like my kids, especially Ayla, are growing up too quick and I am missing it even though I only work 2-3 days a week. I could quit, we have enough money but I feel guilty letting down the owners at my job. Plus I don't know how long the hubby will be making money at his second job/business venture.

Plans for today include cleaning the bathroom (my least favorite), grocery shopping and getting outside with the kids. Today is Tyler's first day of summer vacation. Hopefully the lawn will get mowed today :) I'll have to think of a way to get E out there after he gets out of work! Then I have work tonight.

Running list of things that I need to pack for the hospital:

Bag 1 - Hospital Stay
- phone card**
- insurance card
- tooth paste & brush
- deodarant
- hair brush and elastics
- breast pads
- flip flops
- socks
- big underwear
- pillow and blanket for Eric
- digital camera
- extra batteries
- video camera
- lip balm

Bag 2 - Going Home
- Outfit for Ayla
- Comfy clothes for me (yoga pants, top)

I forgot to write it in here but on April 6th we found out we are having a girl! I am so excited! We are going to name her Ayla Grace. Tyler wanted boy but was okay with a girl. The other night he felt her kick for the first time. It was really neat to see his face. Eric and I have been able to feel her from the outside since about 18 weeks but Tyler didn't have the patients to wait back then. I am 22 weeks now. I have been shopping a couple times and my mother already bought a ton of outfits. Unfortunately we wont have a room to put all her stuff in until the end of June. We are still working on the attic (making it a room) and money is tight so its going pretty slow.

( Warning : In-law rant )

14 weeks preggo ... 4 more weeks until we find out the gender. I can't wait.

I like Ayla Grace for a girl ... we'll see what Eric says. I think its a girl because last week when we had the ultrasound we didn't see any boy parts ... yet but it is still early!

My grandma gave us some (a lot) of money for baby stuff. Once we know what it is I am going to start buying. I have nowhere to put anything though because right now we only have 2 bedrooms. Eric is doing the attic over and that will be our room. He has 3 months (by June) to do it so we can get Tyler moved to our room and the baby's room all set up.

I hope it starts going by quicker!

So I started my new job today. It's not that bad, it goes by quick and I like the office. I am just so tired because of all the other crap that I have to do. I didn't even cook diner tonight. Tomoorrow I am making lasagna ... yum. I need to go to bed.

Current Mood: tired

I dont know what is wrong with me. I want to cry about everything. I can't even think about my wedding and honeymoon without tearing up. I just hate my life right now. I'm so lonely. I want to be closer to my family, I want to be included in the stuff they do. My life consists of taking care of Tyler, Eric, the house, and the dogs. There is no time left for me. I haven't been able to enjoy myself at all. I start a new part time job on Monday but it is working in an office by myself sometimes and with 2 men the other time. I have no female contact besides talking to my mother on the phone. Everything that has been wrong the past few months is now catching up with me now that everything is getting better. I just can't let go of all the shitty things that have happened to us.

I hate people who call themselves friends. It's all bullshit. When they need something they are all about hanging out and then they drop you as soon as they get what they want.

I just wrote a whole entry and LJ ate it ... now I am pissed

Current Mood: lonely